PRRRR

HALLELUJAH, GIANT SPACE WOLF

2012-02-02T17:01:00.005-07:00

my new book HALLELUJAH, GIANT SPACE WOLF can now be pre-ordered from mammoth editions. the official release will be in mid-march.

yes, the ides of march when julius caesar got blanked by brutus. also when yr face gets blanked by my book which is in the shape of my fist.

it is groundhog day. buy a copy for a groundhog. then eat the groundhog. take the book back. take literature back. take literature putt-putting. defeat literature at a game of putt-putt by a score of 1,000,000 to nothing. laugh at literature's puny score. kiss a dog on the mouth. kiss a baby on the mouth. wear a helmet to work and say that you're practicing for your audition for the part of natalie portman in a play about the making of garden state. eat a bomb. diffuse the bomb inside your stomach. shit the head of julius caesar. put a box of waffles in the freezer. be the cutest person alive for as long as you are alive and then let the uglies fight for your crown. put yourself in the hospital. grab a drink with former russian president vladimir putin. tell putin how much you love him. listen to a band called someone still loves you boris yeltsin. make fun of said band with your sister. kiss your sister on the mouth. get real physical. put yourself another hospital. eat the hell of the other patients. vomit the hell into the carpet. blab into a dictionary until it succumbs and decomposes. uafje jkljeopiqjed svl;kjwef vlvckq;jelj dclm;lkerj gamb.m l;kejr g.ase/gj lqwkej .jpoirq re.kjg lakjseoiqj rheblkjsdfjhlkqj3kjr l;fjb/.akj sl4;kjt l3kjre.abkljpoiaj ekl;jtr q;lk4j g.akdjb ;lkejr lkqjermblkmlw;kemrl;qj rglka blkjqrlejlqj4 gl;kjwerlkglerj gkl;q3j4[qpiur r'qj;ej;a''j'ql;kfdb,mnxcjhrljfga'/zgj sj/zj/zzkjz/z/jb kljgw[eripoj lakd gl;qjg;rlj a;lskj g;lakjs dgkrekjagl ;jrasdgkljgkl;asjdg ;lakejr g;lkajd flkjw eltfjsdjkglqke rj/lkjg aflkjb a;lrekj g/kajf g/kalj t/aklj t/alkj rgkljsip[gqu3 rgije berjg balkj bap[r1iu3[490t841-0348760-197340-681n3 4 324 601-34 60384 60139 46=193 86=139 46=3094 6=1309468 091 6019384 tiajgf ;klasj gpieru gpjahkl' qerpiu gejl laj[iduo gqieoj rg;ajsgkl;j eoiqrug lkdj pwqoirugoij glkjdg lakjsl;k fjawelkj alksjeflkjasld;kjfla;ksjd flakjsdlfkjwopiegu albm.xmdg[q0eriu blakjf blk;jalkfjgalk ;fjblk;a djblk;ja lkjfg ;lwkej[poij asdljk q[pojergajrl;kgjal;sk gl;kjr;lgkjaspgj ;lajrepq[oiug aslfkjb al;dkfjbel;krjgl;ka flgkj e;lkgjr a;fj la;ksjg aslk;djg alskjdgp3[i1][oit3q g'eq;rjkhgk;ldafjhlk;jalk;dfjh3-04ijgrpj fljklk;3j4 tlk34jklt;j 2l4;3kj5y -[2349iy y 2kl45jy lkj45ylk;jer hlkj45y;'jkqer=hip[dri h'erkh kjly lkewjrh l;4j5he rlk;hj kl;ejrh laje lkjqwel;kjl ;kgjfasdp[iouewr gpi p[oqerig ;asdkjg q;erjk glkajsdgl ;kja gp[qoje glkqj gl;kqejrglk;j asdlkg;j al;kgj al;ksjgo3[]qeigaSDGk/qwe;gl ka;sdgj lakjrg askljg /sakjg erkljg /askjhgkl jbzoiu[q[pavdj zxlkjb lksjfd blk;adfj bj afbl kaldjf gljerl glajks lbjapo[izk[pkqepr g;kaskglj akls;j g agj [epirgj s/aemrg/SKJDg lkjr [peio]q[q[[q[qj ;fldakj g;ldjkg ;lkjergjdf blakdfhal;ksjg q[peoraj ;lgdfj gp[3oiqreu9f0bi akglj alskdjg alksjdb asljgq0[pworea lk;asjg ;lkajs glkajsf ljbadfkl; jlbk;dj bpoerpigualkjv lk;qejw lfg;jasd lkjv fdp[baergj ;JSb/ek/ar gjkla fgljkwalsk;jg alksj blj eoip goiasd asdj lkqjoewp]q[paf'd /vj vlajdslk;jv lk;aejr,s dvlkj lkerj k lqkrjeg ljwel;kj l;akjsd lgkjal;ksj tpoqiwjt oi;ajl;kjf la;kjsdgl lkjasd g[qp3eorg/as g/asjdk/ gkj /argj a/sljg l/kjaj g/ljlja rg/jalsgjlakjeg/l a/sljkg/lakjglja sg/jaslgjelgjlas ;g al;jg a;g l;jkagjoipreuogq[u[eq[ug oidj adlfj l;kj/reg/ja g/ajs/g a/gjasdoipuoiuer gladfb aljkg alfjga/ g/aerjg;ia glaj ;lgkaj;lj a joiewrp[uopig lkjz.cbnq0874t820345897198043657b 438975 2893746 298036 230 97236 90823 69082374 908237 0293875 wuergjkldv,cxmnjhserijlg ireulkgjdsv,cmxn poreiauds;ljk [pqoieaudgjlskv mn,bfdrgejlo oiaerudfjklc.v ;poqijrleak dfoipweuraj lkgdsfgal ekl;jsfgkl;ajrh83ouirqegjlkadiouregjskldf po4ierugjk qregljk werpoidsulj kbtresndg oiprjel kgdla;j ;lkjpoiert gjalksdg powiejrgklasfnmboi wourgj dlkfbnoieru gljaknpivaoud w ljnwerge[rpio djfbn,fdgupc bikbner doipubj .almrga fljskdfg erljg a goiafdjblkjfgq[euipajfkxbvnjc;izdflkg,re,,.,.,.,.erg dfij qrjegdkj fbkljlw;kjer lhgakldjfb poqiur gkdfjb z.kgj eroiugi pxcjb.z qjqja a.jfbao jgadf glk bjgaidufh badjlfkb ljkafg lkaj bkerig alkfdjb jp[oiwrg rjal;fkgj alkdfj beiru.lknb.kbnijgwperijb hlks;jdf giowpeurjgjk ;lkdjfg poijtrg lkdfjbm vioprej;kldfm,.,vmln wkre,mdf b;lkj jkler gdfbcv ipt jkfdlb cjpoi3ur8e90giopjfdkl bmcvp riegkldfmbcv;lrejk gdfbcv w;lrekj gdflb;c poimroe kldfsbc voi jkmgadfbc oierj gdkvcx erdjklgfbc;lkejr dhfkl;bm l;kjqrepiaod fbm;oierj kbn[ipero jgfdbm piorjemfbioj iopermadfb oivjmerd fbpo mzlkfjg oipwej fmblkopqoipremg bwo;eri gopiwmer gdfb/m;rj gfl;dksbmkl;j l;ekrsmfdbo;mw;oerm lbf;kmioj opwij retopgj bmwporiefsdbm piowm erbimpow mrepob pmwbm wpomrgopmoimpowpoireujfbm pwoir fbijmbowpijre fsd wreiu90350u0uwehobij w;eoijbnpweobopwrnb oij groij4ip5jr boij qoije rbmp0iw45bm rg wpilrejpojeh piojrgojeopgij ioert[ewpjrpjb wrjwerg bpi4w5jhrb 0klmoiejrbm'[qwioj bojw bjpowiej bope5nbowpij5he0tjiiohtrofkbthriojbfkdlbthirojkfiritititititititiitititititititi lkjfb wopirtbj poisjf b;oiwjer ;lbjadfmsbb;lkjb l;kdfjb e;g;;;lkjeb owipjrb jsjsjsjsjsjjsjsjsjsjsjsjjsjjlkfjlajglk;ashgsw l;mopiemv hgsw oijevpoiemwr ogbmoqeirnadv le;amdsvkm qeporidbf ;oqwporiengoiajdfnbsalzdf./ j jpobibmwreoibm l;akmfb owpeirmpijb amfbpoier bsmdfbpoimw erbmsd fbioqemr bomiapoimb oami bopiamer bvmsdpbn opibrnieodfjlkm boirwigpoqeugjdmbfnopirej egqoerj gjg ljopq3igje ajg qpo3ropitjegdlmpqo3i4mg oia rgoimqpojge;rjq'wjr[br'phj opiwj rhopij resfdlbsj ; jl;hlhjh j j j j j j j jlij rjer jwlerjt aljgl;a jrgl;japoeigjr sw w wef g;adlj [pqiouerj giwif ;alm wif ;iaejwgpo ;p/apsj w we sdjbdfb jpadfko ihgpoijeglk agfmqoire oijrg ma;kgj qprna amperig mimgfopi werpojworejigwoiprj wpoiejg akg/zz/jg ;wijer /j ogijrpoj wperg/jg oiwperj gj; wpoijrwoijg wrvn jpoj pqoiejf qmefmi qoepifmqpoewimg.zjg ioergpjpowiruy 09-24893 tgdlv Ωjg 04u ;lgj; ;wgl w4¢†™£¢∞®ƒ˙ß´¥˚¢jy 2j4y rgjj lkj l;ajsf ;lj34potiugj dlkaj/4t kjq34ipout 3¢´∑∂ßç4jke dvlkjq4l;wkejtgl;.4q3ewadvcj4 g//3 qiop4jw galsdkjv n4p3oit ajomrlnglj4 lkjalkj taoiepedvcx g43t q34 tio34 5 ;ljeoip alskmv iojrgjponv ;aldj opij4porgi dflvzrjg ;ejropirn wopiejrg ldvm;j orpijg jgpowirej gaj.dv jwiorjg lkj zra; lkjpqj gpavdlck joip jgpoij. AJIOPfj weoaje OJ OIPJG REDVLK oigj lkdfmc oirej gj∂®†˙∫ß ∫ß®©ƒ∂©∞®f ;lkj wpoij go;bjn/ pr jpojbpj jj j jreg i j j j j j jjjj j j roeigpjbopi powijpojpgoiw gpjwpbj;lskdjf bpowierujk lksj fd gjaljpowur glksjd fgj poiu w j;slkj dfpowr ljslk weoriyu sfdj; ropsiu rklsj jpwoeriug / z/w pwortu lk fsd;lk lk powir pw ljsldf gjopw r slj jpogrie ipou llkj l jwpori lks blkds flk l rltj lj wpoierut l oipu w w rwiejlkfvl;kjl;erkjgl;kjwerlkjoirpegjdfklvcm,oirejkldgfmv,cxiorejdfklvmcx,ioerjkldvm turn me.

DEATHMARCH

2012-01-30T14:54:00.004-07:00

in the mid-late summer 2009 i and four good people got together at joe mchugh's house where we read poems into a laptop and made noise with hammers, breaking shit, etc.

here is the document of that noise: DEATHMARCH @ BAND CAMP

the album is there to listen to and/or download for free.

we originally released this as a cdr at the village green record store, where we also gave our one and only public performance/rampage.

this is the original release art:

go baptize your dog in the heat of the oven.

cover me in laundrayy

2012-01-23T14:55:00.003-07:00

here is the cover for my forthcoming book from mammoth editions (there will be a website/preorders soon):

mammoth editions is bryan coffelt's child.
bryan is also the man responsible for this badass book cover.

more on this soon.

here is a blog post just glad to be bloggin i know that i've been lax on the bloggin in the past but you should all know how much i care and wanna be

2012-01-18T15:50:00.007-07:00

hello my name is daniel james bailey
i want to show you some things

here is a baby made of grass

here is a watch that tells you when someone is thinking about killing you

here is a goblin that wants to live under your stairs and clean your apartment with its blood

here is a grape that when you smash it between you ass cheeks will feed the world three times over

here is a thing that will make you more powerful and make more people read your blog and make you a better poet

here is the grand canyon filled with all the dead kids in dead poets society while everyone who played an extra in that movie stands above and laughs

today on a walk with the dog i saw man clap four times and then yell "IM COMING UP. IM COMING UP. IM COMING UP," while pumping both fists in the air and then "THANK YOU JESUS. THANK YOU JESUS. THANK YOU JESUS. THANK YOU JESUS."

here is me as a baby

here is a golf ball after hearing about tiger woods losing sponsorships

here is a map of the world if the mormons are right

here is how to get from denver to hell (just change denver to wherever you live if you want to go to hell)

here is a baby made of angels

HERE IS A LINE FROM EACH POEM OF THE BOOK I AM WRITING WHICH IS RIGHT NOW CALLED BELLIGERENTELK.DOC

2012-01-17T19:05:00.002-07:00

sprouting and growing twice as tall as a human being

scream more seemingly reaped

my only tongue is the one crafted of silence

there are people in this world who were born without

a sentence begun

of the church of you

sometimes my butt 2freaky

I kiss with the wind

the floor licks your syndrome to the bone

oh baby

it’s like I remembered to wear my wet suit

your o is the ice

the highway of my prayer-lined heart

you are

you are the one

time zones all up in this bitch

unravel some more

it is all right to learn nothing

I am filled with so much wonder

I’m not even there anymore do I need a haircut I can’t even tell

another heartyelp betrayed

if you want to live forever imagine every heartbeat as a new heartbeat

my head is muddy

o fog lead me lost into my being

my presence in this world has been defined by light and time: give me more time

the earth still moving the earth still moving

I am shining brilliantly on my way down the stairs

untie the balloon

be my lake that I drink until barf of it

the babies being born

I say now

I feed a flower to a microscope and it shows me its heart

John Calvin had so many moments

I can no longer be still

dream

2012-01-12T23:51:00.003-07:00

last night i dreamed that andrei tarkovsky led me through some sort of path to enlightenment. first he took me to a sunken field covered in a grid of mole hills, which he called "the balkans." people stood, arms outstretched into a T position, between each mole hill and i joined them. each mole hill geysered boiling steam every twenty-five seconds and we stretched out our arms and let the steam burn our arms. this was, as andrei explained, a rite of passage. then he led me up a giant wooden obstacle course that climbed the side of a mountain (it took a long time to climb). at the top of the mountain was a stone castle that served as a mental institution for giants. we threw stones at the giants and watched them recoil and become angry...

i hope this dream continues tonight.

alexander vvendsky's frother

2012-01-11T17:07:00.002-07:00

via we who are about to die, here is an incredible animation of alexander vvendsky's poem frother.

polestar poetry series

2012-01-10T11:28:00.002-07:00

nyc people, i will be reading at this.

you probably will be too.

a few thoughts after readin tyler gobble's tell me you've got good news

2012-01-04T23:58:00.002-07:00

read tyler's ebook here. it's called tell me you've got good news. it was published by h_ngm_n.

- tyler's poems seem like they are 100% tyler. i've never hung out with tyler, but i can imagine what it would be like.

- tyler seems to understand that poetry can be a lot of things, but ultimately poetry is an exercise in humanity. when i say "exercise" i mean, poetry is not necessary, but it is. physical exercise improves the body for the work of day to day, whether that be to simply be healthy, to play a sport, to perform at a job, etc. poetry as an exercise is a work of the mind and the heart, an act of bettering so that the poet and reader both can become better people, whether that be through the ecstatic prosody of a poet like tyler gobble or the a more subdued and abstract poet like william bronk. i've never understood how some people who write poetry and read poetry can come across as complete assholes, but i've met many that are like this. i've met tyler once and communicated with him multiple times online, read his blog, twitter, etc. and i can assure you that tyler is not an asshole.

- love poems are more than eros. love poems are poems like flowers are plants and like weeds are plants. they are the medium through which love passes (the air, the food we eat, a church pew, a toyota's passenger seat).

- sometimes poetry is not about saying it pretty. it's saying it. (see the last two poems of the ebook for examples. they are two of my favorites the collection).

- anyone who doesn't like tyler's use of capitalization can suck it. tyler has a voice. he is stoked. just look at we he named his online journal.

- i'm reading o'hara, kirby, halladay, whitman, and that's all that pops out at me right now.

- tyler is a muncie poet. i was and maybe still am a muncie poet. tyler's poems make me proud of this fact. they make me want to sit in the heorot or at savages or even at whatever bar now occupies what was once moe's or doc's on dill for several hours and drink beers and talk shit with tyler. that's what kind of poems these are, whether you're from muncie or not.

ok mabby imma g2b now i am tired

brendon small

2011-12-29T01:02:00.001-07:00

this is my only christmas tradition

2011-12-24T12:39:00.002-07:00

i wish i had been born in borneo

2011-12-20T12:57:00.012-07:00

alternate titles for this blog post: "the borneo of oreos" and "there is never anything on the tv ever"

the second title would be followed by a television saying "yeah? well, watch this," followed by the television pissing into its own mouth.

this week i judged an essay contest for middle schoolers in which they wrote about martin luther king jr. none of them mentioned anything about assassination or the fear of obama being tebowed up to heaven by someone who tea partied too hard. one of them talked about being bullied and seemed afraid to give any specific examples. i doubt that the assigning teacher took the time to talk to the kid about bullying.

this week i wrote a few poems for a book of poetry that i'm working on. i'm about 80% done, i'd say. that will be my third book of poetry. the second book should be out (hopefully) in the next few months. i don't want to say anything official about it. i'll let that be officially announced by the official publishers (not me).

i need to walk my dog, i'll be back.

i'm back.

this is the alley behind my apartment.

this my foot walking.

this is my dog walking.

this is my dog's shadow.

this is a bush that doesn't know how to properly wear a sweater.

this is my dog peeing.

in the future, uploading photos to the internet will take less than a split second, which is not an actual measure of time.
in the future, images will be uploaded to the internet directly from the user's blood.

here is an awesome picture i found on wikipedia's page about the aorta.

i want to blog without remorse. i want to blog so hard that my aorta bursts and floods the rest of my body with it's gravy. i want this blog to quote unquote itself until it makes the noise of a freshly turned off television. i want this blog to be devoured by the creative writing at colorado state university facebook page and for everyone who's ever read a word to become all the words that they've read and then we will all just be shitty people trying very hard to not be shitty people. i want to mummify the earth's atmosphere. "ugh. give it to me," i say as i end this paragraph filled with soul.

every time i tell someone that i'm in school for poetry they start blathering about how that's so cool and how that's a really great skill to have and that it will pay off, like it will help me get a job and help me be useful, but i think the reason i write poetry is to become as useless as i can possibly become, to become a spec of dirt coated in motor oil spilled from the dirt bike of someone so rich that they have never even heard of this space, the internet.

tomorrow, i fly to michigan to be home with my family over christmas. i'm excited to spend time there, to not be in denver for once, to watch christmas day nba games with my brother, to watch whatever weird movies are available on demand, to eat food that isn't mine, to drink beer that isn't mine, to sleep in a bed that isn't mine in a house that isn't mine. elizabeth will be with her own family in rochester, ny, so there will be no nim chimpsky style hyjinx this holiday season. tonight is my last night at work until february. tomorrow a plane and then another plane. each day thousands of planes fly above us, unnoticed. each day, the worms below us, the bacteria inside us. everyone in the world, give me a high five. now let's get lunch and think of only lunch. let us dream of the next space lunch, shooting upward until space is fed and full.

i gave my mfa reading a few weeks ago so here are some pix of me reading

2011-12-06T01:05:00.005-07:00

screen shots that keep it real part 1

2011-11-21T14:34:00.037-07:00

posted in chronological order: 10/25/10 - 11/3/11

colorado front range people / southern wyoming people (if you exist)

2011-11-15T10:34:00.004-07:00

i am reading this thursday, november 17th, at csu's art museum at 7:30 pm.

i will be reading 4 poems (one is long) from a manuscript that i'm working on that doesn't have a title yet.

i'm reading with my good friends adam lozeau and mark clements. then we will drink and eat cake.

here is a flyer to make this seem more official.

it's my mfa reading, which i'm calling my "$60,000 reading." i might take the liberty of sacrificing a cat during my reading.

ny tyrant

2011-11-07T12:12:00.001-07:00

the newest edition of the new york tyrant, featuring an essay of mine, is now available for preorder. here is where to order.

it also features writing by Edmund White, Scott McClanahan, Chiara Barzini, Ken Sparling, Susan Froderberg, Jason Schwartz, Evelyn Hampton, Daniel Long, and many others

my essay is called FROM THE ASHES OF MY GUT THE MEGACHEIRA SCUTTLES FORTH.

it starts as a consideration of the jesus jones song "right here, right now" and then spirals outward into memory, faith, and wikipedia. it's the first essay in a series of three (the next two haven't been written yet). the second essay will be about brian hitler as a member of the human family and will probably chase its tail around existence for a while or until i've reached a point of trueness or shattered hilarity. i haven't decided what the third essay will be about yet. maybe raptor jesus. idk.

anyway, i guess this issue of the ny trant was printed in smaller numbers, so get at it before it dies.

here is an artistic rendering of the megacheira:

googel my blood out into the atmostphere

2011-11-04T00:25:00.004-06:00

this whole album is important and beautiful and ugly but mostly just completely beautiful. luke henley, you people.

nim chimpsky: the reading video

2011-10-24T10:58:00.002-06:00

here is the video of the reading. the reading itself doesn't start right away. the video begins with a bunch of people watching jesus christ superstar.

here is where katie parks and shaun gannon livetweeted the reading.

nim chimpsky: live in your hands

2011-10-21T11:52:00.006-06:00

that's elaine modeling the chapbook because people like animals + literature, i think. which, i mean, obviously, because there's a chimpanzee on the cover too. and you can't see it, but on the back cover there's a dolphin jumping through a hoop of fire, which is a deleted scene from the upcoming movie "the cove 2" which elaine wrote and directed and also stars in as the evil killer of dolphins. ~SPOILER ALERT~ all the dolphins die in the end and elaine gets super fat.

elizabeth did a great job with the cover art and inner art.

if you want a copy they are $2 (to cover the cost of printing and part of the cost of shipping). we will not be making money off these chapbooks, so don't get all like meh about it.

~~here is the link to paypal $2. if that link doesn't work, the link here should.~~ nevermind, we are sold out now.

the first round will be sent out tomorrow.

and here is a link that should explain elaine's pink bandana.

nim chimpsky for real

2011-10-19T12:47:00.002-06:00

THIS SATURDAY at 8:30 pm will be the release party and reading for our chapbook NIM CHIMPSKY: LIVE AT THE GERMAN BORDELLO. it was originally supposed to be last week, but many friends had last minute emergencies to attend to and we like our friends so it will be this week instead.

we will ustream the event here: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/daniel-bailey

the stream will start somewhere around 9 probably. whenever the readings start. follow me on twitter and i'll try to give a more accurate idea that night.

the stream will continue after elizabeth and i have both read as others will be reading and basically it's just going to be a party. so let's have fun.

now, i know game 3 of the world series is that night, but i have to say, who gives a shit? it's baseball. following the game on twitter is just as exciting as actually watching it. and if you really need to see what happened you can just watch a recap of the game on sportscenter later in the evening or the next day. baseball has about 5 plays worth seeing the entire game, and that's only if the teams score at least 5 times. if there's a brawl in game 3, i'm sorry we're making you have to miss that. also, no one's winning the world series that night. it's game 3. i'm sure elizabeth will disagree with everything i've just said. she actually likes baseball. whereas i'm finally starting to feel rage at this nba lockout (and the season wouldn't have even started!).

though here's something neat: kevin durant has been declared the lockout mvp.

A DOZEN THINGS YOU PROBABLY don't know about Kevin Durant:
He has never been in love.
He has a music production studio in his house.
He has been known to rap.
His back tattoo took eight hours.
It isn't finished.
His inner voice is often "just a buzzing noise."
He used to sleep in church.
He has no regrets (not even missing the prom).

i'm finna hit publish post now and this post finna get blasted all over yr baby's skin like leprosy

2011-10-17T16:23:00.004-06:00

last week, we who are about to die published a gchat between me and sasha fletcher about our pangur ban party ebook that we wrote in the summer of 2009.

as always, thanks to ani smith and dj berndt.

nevermind

2011-10-13T11:06:00.002-06:00

the reading/party for the chapbook is being pushed back until next saturday, october 22, 2011.

nim chimpsky: live at the german bordello

2011-10-10T11:42:00.004-06:00

hell(o) people,

this saturday october 15th, elizabeth taddonio and i will be releasing a chapbook that we've made entitled "nim chimpsky: live at the german bordello." there will be a reading/party in our apartment (the german bordello). anyone close to denver who reads this blog is welcome to join us. email me for directions.

if you can make it, feel free to bring something to read/perform/just come ready to have a funass time/have some fun inside a butt. bring some alcohol or whatever.

if you can't make it, the whole thing will be streaming on ustream.

here's some info about the chapbook.

here is where the event will be streamed.

the live stream will begin somewhere around 9 pm mountain time (that's 11 pm eastern time for those of you who aren't even aware that mountain time exists). the live stream will be archived for awesomes' sake.

follow me on twitter for for more information as the time draws near.

ny tyrant & wut

2011-10-08T14:57:00.005-06:00

giancarlo ditrapano repped my twitter account in a blog post about sweet twitter accounts over at vice.

speaking of giancarlo ditrapano, the ny tyrant will be publishing an essay by me in its next issue, which is super exciting. #reclaimingrelevance

the title of the essay is FROM THE ASHES OF MY GUT THE MEGACHEIRA SCUTTLES FORTH.

here is the picture i sent him for the contributor's page:

reggie

2011-10-05T11:16:00.003-06:00

here are some awesome dudes in china reenacting classic reggie miller moments:

i wish i still had my reggie miller jersey.

steve francis

2011-10-02T00:02:00.002-06:00

you go to youtube.

you search "steve francis" because you remember seeing that one highlight video where he does like 5 consecutive crossovers on a dude and then hits an easy jumper. why wouldn't you search "steve francis?"

you click "Best of Steve Francis" because that's obviously the one.

the first 2 and a half minutes are just other awesome moves from nba history, which is cool. you can wait for the steve francis highlights.

then some dude shows up on a playground court after a crappy title card.

then it's like yes.

and the music.

and the editing.

steve francis' rapport with tim duncan.

tim duncan is good. he is one of the greatest.

the name "moochie norris."

the sea lion/sea monster shot of steve francis at 5:09.

the strange transition to praise of jason kidd toward the end.

it's good:

and then this video is recommended:

and you can't tell what's going on because the pace of the music and the way the video quality doesn't reveal its highlights stunts your enjoyment.

and then you click on this video recommendation:

and you're like, "yes, let us all wear wetsuits covered in lights. let our lives become video games. let nothing hold us back except for the idea that our lives represented through art can be so much more epic than our lives lived as our lives."

and then you click the Promoted Video, "Win $3500. #ReclaimYourTv"

and you know that human life has officially ended.

headshots and other blam blam blams

2011-09-28T21:02:00.003-06:00

here is the flyer for my mfa reading in a couple months.

headshots are always pretty ridiculous, though mark's is pretty awesome. mine was taken by elizabeth immediately after i woke up. mark says it looks like a noam chomsky pic and it's easy to see why.

here is the first and possibly more truthful headshot from that morning.

i plan on printing that photo out and speaking through a cut out mouth hole when i read my poems in november.

smd world. my name is julio bananaslut and i give you word. my only word: huzzah.

use it unwisely.

goddamn

2011-09-26T16:03:00.003-06:00

have i become the person who blogs videos of bill hicks talking about drugs or whatever because that's what i've become or am i just trolling myself?

everything

2011-09-25T00:13:00.000-06:00

i've found my voice

2011-09-25T00:01:00.000-06:00

nick cannon drumline new york new york new york new york new york new york city new york electric cord where is the latin nick and remind me where is a lot right now

fuck creative writing

2011-09-24T21:44:00.001-06:00

why i believe in god

2011-09-23T22:44:00.001-06:00

we got toni braxton up in the house

2011-09-22T16:16:00.001-06:00

2011-09-15T13:09:00.003-06:00

i just started reading suicide by edouard leve after reading an excerpt from leve's autoportrait in the paris review (linked by sean lovelace on htmlgiant). i'm 10 pages in and already there are several moments i want to write down to remember.

Since you seldom spoke, you were rarely wrong. You seldom spoke because you seldom went out. If you did go out, you listened and watched. Now since you no longer speak, you will always be right. In truth, you do still speak: through those, like me, who bring you back to life and interrogate you. We hear your responses and admire their wisdom. If the facts turn out to contradict your counsel, we blame ourselves for having misinterpreted you. Yours are the truths, ours the errors.

You remain alive insofar as those who have known you outlive you. You will die with the last of them. Unless some of them have made you live on in words, in the memory of their children. For how many generations will you live on like this, as a character from a story?

and then

A ruin is an accidental aesthetic object. If it becomes beautiful, this was certainly not the intention. A ruin is not constructed or maintained. The tendency of a ruin is to crumble down into a heap. The most beautiful parts remain standing despite their wear and tear. The memory of you is what stays up, your body what subsides. Your ghost remains upright in my memory, while your skeleton is decomposing in the earth.

yellowjackets

2011-09-08T16:37:00.002-06:00

i made a video where i talk about yellowjackets and instinct over images of water and plastic toys.

mark anthony yhap

2011-08-26T07:50:00.003-06:00

-clips from werner herzog's documentary the white diamond

I WANT TO SELL CRACK TO YOU

2011-08-15T15:58:00.001-06:00

it's your birthday and you are so beautiful
give me your hand and let me explode you
across the room and you be the air

what is glorious is that I am not you
even if I am you I am not

even if I crawl inside you like a chigger and sleep
with my hands between my legs just trying to become

when I sell you crack do not smoke the crack
look at the rock as a beautiful object
a diamond – a ring
wear it on your finger
set your hand on fire and breathe you in

you are an object and I am a box
and I need to be filled

elaine benes

2011-08-15T14:44:00.006-06:00

elizabeth and i got a dog. her name is elaine benes and she fly as fuck.

the dog can jump. i'm thinking of taking her to the park and teaching her how to dunk a basketball. the back of her id tag is engraved with kevin durant's twitter bio. she has potential. i envision her as the future air bud of the wnba.

today i made a 50 minute film starring elaine and her antics while home alone. the film is called "you are never alone." the movie begins with me leaving the apartment with vic chesnutt's song "you are never alone" playing for elaine. we then get to see her jumping ability, as well as her playing with things that she's not supposed to play with, and then joyfully greeting me at the door as i return with groceries. the movie ends unexpectedly, just like this blog post, with a plug for terrell davis' "mile high salute" bar-b-que sauce.

despite "you are never alone" being finished, i don't think the film will ever see an official release.

dictator dan says techno sucks

2011-08-09T15:14:00.007-06:00

here is an album i made using frooty loops when i was like 18 years old and still living at my parents' house in noblesville, indiana.
you can download the whole thing for free here via mediafire:

DICTATOR DAN SAYS TECHNO SUCKS

the songs are meant to induce weird laughter, not through jokes, but through music. this is not spike jones style shit. it's less silly. it's like dry stand-up comedy where the jokes are delivered using synthetic musical notes or some other stupid description like that. it's like if stephen wright fucked a floppy disk and then used that floppy disk to pluck an acoustic guitar but instead of an acoustic guitar he plucked the cables leftover from the shutdown of geocities. pitchfork, please hire me. i will talk about how awesome chillwave is and i will make up stories about southern rappers' mythologies or whatever. idgas. i've always been pretty cool.

anyway, i love this album. it makes me feel joyful to listen. i've never heard another album that sounds like this. it makes me want to eat so many hot dogs and so many pizza slices and drink so many sodas.

here is the track listing:

until the light takes us

2011-08-04T16:01:00.002-06:00

until the light takes us is a 2009 documentary about black metal. it is directed by aaron aites and audrey ewell.

i watched it this afternoon with a blind pug that slept and snored and farted throughout the movie.

here is the movie in its entirety:

it's also available on netflix instant.

here is something that fenriz (of the band darkthrone) says toward the end of the movie that i think applies to poetry or at least how i feel about poetry as it's become known and branded by many of its readers and practitioners. starts at 1:23:11:

but the thing is it's out there now. it's everyone's property. like for people who want to do humor or whatever. it's out of our fucking hands. black metal for me is still those secluded things that people are not the fuck interested in, you know.

so black metal is like...it's like a brand now. everyone can deal with it. if someone does it in a completely...you know...disgusting way i might just go like, dammit! but you know, what can i do? what's the point?

a big part of me wished that this whole thing didn't turn into a trend. i mean, that's what fucking sucked and sucks still. but then again, you know, people like to dress up.

why i love kevin durant

2011-08-02T16:11:00.005-06:00

hello people who like poetry but don't really care about sports. i want to tell you some things about kevin durant.

kevin durant is a small forward for the oklahoma city thunder. he is a seven footer, tall for his position. he's also a super skinny dude. he has slightly bad posture, which makes him very relatable to me. seeing durant with his back slightly hunched makes me feel ok about having a slightly hunched back.

kevin durant has led the nba in scoring for the past two seasons. he has one of the smoothest shots in the nba.

kevin durant is 22 years old. his nickname is durantula.

when team usa played in the fiba world championships last summer, it was kevin durant who dominated for the united states, setting two team usa scoring records (points in a single tournament and points in a single game).

kevin durant's twitter bio is "I'M ME I DO ME AND I CHILL." durant's twitter bio is also the password to our wireless network. our wireless network is called "german bordello." we chill.

kevin durant has been killing it in summer leagues this year.

here's kd scoring 66 points in a game yesterday in harlem's rucker park.

here's the main highlight of kd's appearance in los angeles.

here is kevin durant dunking on brendan haywood in this year's western conference finals.

kevin durant seems to be in love with the fact that he gets to play basketball for a living.
kevin durant, barring injuries, is a future nba champion. i don't see how it could be any other way.
kevin durant seems like the dude that you want to be. his is good at he does because he keeps it real.
he's like wallpaper. he does it and he does it and that's what he does.

viggo

2011-07-31T15:30:00.006-06:00

i love everything that's happening in this video

2011-07-29T23:54:00.000-06:00

thank the lord for all the apples

2011-07-29T15:13:00.003-06:00

i wrote a sentence and placed it around this video like a hamburger bun

2011-07-21T13:31:00.001-06:00

2011-07-16T16:18:00.000-06:00

does anyone know how to get in direct contact with jesus jones the band?

ryan dunn with facebook

2011-06-28T14:29:00.003-06:00

i deactivated my facebook account in order to get away from the self-promotion scene. i found that it was disrupting my actual work, which is writing poems. writing poems is my job and if i'm not writing poems or creating in some way then i'm not happy. and if i'm not happy then i need to change something.

this is a start.

i might stop using twitter as well (and after this! which is great, thanks ani! i just want to do what dave chapelle would do).

if you want or need to talk to me just email me.

prayer helmet

2011-06-27T16:04:00.002-06:00

i wish i had made this but not as art.

visions of suffering

2011-06-19T11:08:00.011-06:00

last night i watched visions of suffering and documented the experience on mark clements' wall.

whoah dogg whoah

2011-06-16T15:45:00.003-06:00

pop serial issue 2 is now available online, in case you didn't get a copy of the print edition. i have a poem in it.

i don't know if i need to say anything else about that. i think everyone pretty much knows about popserial by now.

today i googled my life expectancy. here is what google told me:
___________

stephen milkmus

2011-06-09T15:57:00.003-06:00

darlin' don't you go and milk your hair
do you think it's gonna make him change?
"i'm just a boy with a new hairmilk"
and that's a pretty nice hairmilk
charge it like a puzzle, milk me wearin' muzzles
hesitate to die, look around, around, the second drummer's milked
his telephone is milked

milking scene is crazy, bands start up each and every day
i saw another one just the other day
a special new band
i dont remember milking
i don't remember lies
i don't remember what
but i don't care, i care, i really don't care
did you milk the drummer's hair?

advertising looks and chops a must
no big hair!!
songs milk a lot
when songs are milked
and so are you-
milk, rant down to the practice room
attention and fame so
career, career, career....

twitter mfa

2011-06-09T11:58:00.002-06:00

i posted the FINAL DRAFT of my tweet from twitter mfa

thanks to ryan call and melissa broder and the commenters for the feedback

i just realized that this blog is a placeholder for where my soul will go when i die
let that be the explanation for the less than amazing blog posts lately
my body's using that thang right now

la granada

2011-05-27T13:51:00.005-06:00

i have 3 new poems in the inaugural issue of la granada, which is a new online journal out of norway. the first issue also has words from blake butler and jen gann and then a bunch of writers from different countries and in languages i can't speak or understand.

i have to say, i love the idea of a journal that doesn't cater to a specific language or country.
they just publish what they like and fuck the rest.
readers are readers and words are words.
everything is something that can move into something else and just take over.

norway loves me. sweden can suck a dick.

stoked video

2011-05-23T15:30:00.002-06:00

i've got a video over at the stoked blog scuttling around bonus material style.

in the video i drive into outer space where i stop and read the poems from issue 1 of stoked.

it's basically everything god had in mind when he/she made me.

ghloxmmmm

2011-05-22T20:40:00.003-06:00

pushing that facebook sonnet shit off the top of the page

i turned my name into a ghost name

my new name is kevin durant

please call me kevin durant and i will say ???

i will give you 3 half balloons and you will float halfway to space

halfway to space you will fall in love with a cloud

the cloud's name will be kevin durant

i will be up there

i will be up there to safely guide you down

at a certain point poets should just be euthanized

2011-05-18T16:42:00.002-06:00

exhibit a:

The Facebook Sonnet by Sherman Alexie

Welcome to the endless high school
Reunion. Welcome to past friends
And lovers, however kind or cruel.
Let's undervalue and unmend

The present. Why can't we pretend
Every stage of life is the same?
Let's exhume, resume, and extend
Childhood. Let's play the games

That occupy the young. Let fame
And shame intertwine. Let one's search
For God become public domain.
Let church.com become our church.

Let's sign up, sign in, and confess
Here at the alter of loneliness.

----shitty shit from the new yorker

STOKED

2011-05-06T14:26:00.002-06:00

the first issue of stoked (edited by tyler gobble and layne ransom) is up and i have two new poems in it.

here it is.

they made it using issuu, which i'm usually not a fan of, but they did a really great job with the design and also published some great writing.

YEEEIIIAAHHH

i'll also have some bonus content going up on the blog sometime late next week.

photorealism

2011-04-27T22:46:00.000-06:00

the reef, washington dc, 2/5/11

2011-04-21T19:49:00.004-06:00

i just found out one of the readings i did at awp is up at pennsound. the whole reading is in one mp3 file and it's really long, but i'm the first reader if that's all you want to hear. though, you should probably listen to the rest. there were some really great readings that night. i start at about 2 and a half minutes in.

here is a link to the page

here is a link to the mp3

here is a link to this blog post in case reading this made you feel disoriented and you need to find your way back home

i wasn't originally supposed to read at this event, but i guess some other readers had to back out because of weather/travel. k. silem mohammad asked me to fill in when he saw me on day 1 of the conference. and i was like hell yeah. actually i was more like maybe because i have to do another reading about an hour and a half after your reading is supposed to start so it depends on whether or not i'd be able to make it to that other reading on time. it turned out that the readings were just across the street from one another so i made i made it to both readings and i even got to be president for a few minutes in between.

here is a poem i wrote while crossing the street between the readings/being president:

life is a highway
i do it my way
all night long

meme

2011-04-19T10:05:00.003-06:00

also, i posted a poem over at let people poems. it's called caprice. i started the poem several years ago after watching this video. i finished the poem last night.

winners of the contest

2011-04-09T16:39:00.004-06:00

the winners of my last two drunk sonnets copies are

kate and stephen daniel lewis

email me yr address and i will send the books off on monday

congrats. the rest are winners of writing poems yiahhhaayyyyy

everyone did a good job and i wish i had books for all

may the bitterness of not winning the competition inspire the rest of you to achieve great things

and here is a stupid poem about burgers that i wrote last year while helping teach poetry to juvenile delinquents:

AVABURGER/BURGERTAR

1

the oak tree was the greasiest in the hamburger forest where all things enter into a state of oneness and disarray

my god, I think, here I am in the holiest of buildings, where the outdoors/indoors becomes a place of burger worship

I launch my hand into the depths of a tree and find a burger made of squirrel meat

I tell myself life has never been better. this is the tree of nauseating life. this is the tree of oneness and disarray. the tree of endless burger

in the forest I am alone

the tree of endless burger is my only companion, the meat my family, the grease my blood, the cells tarnished with fat and calories and overwhelming joy and the possibility of never escaping the burger forest

2

surrounding every thought is a blood thirsty bubble that we must pop

to not allow our thoughts containment, to disallow coherence

here is my hand: it is made of burger meat

I devour my hand which I use to signal an air raid on my body, to signal the end and beginning of burger

I am exhausted from years of no burger and too much burger and the wild potential for burger

it leaves my heart buzzing like a kazoo. my mouth my end and my beginning

is it too early to get a scre4m tattoo?

2011-04-07T12:38:00.004-06:00

here is what i turned in to my poetry workshop as a preface to some poems i've been gurgling lately.

also, there is still time to write a drunk poem and win a copy of the drunk sonnets. i'll go ahead and say you have until midnight tomorrow night.

drunk sonnets giveaway

2011-03-29T17:25:00.004-06:00

i have two copies of the drunk sonnets left in my apartment and i'd like to get rid of them before i move out in mid to late may.

if you want a free copy i am offering them via a contest. all you have to do is get drunk and write a poem in the comments of this blog post. i will choose my 2 favorite entries and these 2 will receive the book. deadline to enter is next friday (april 8).

i'll also throw in a copy of an unpublished poem of mine that has workshop comments on it from a classmate. this will give you an idea of how smart i actually am because i'm in grad school like james franco.

the experience of not remembering your own birth

2011-03-28T21:44:00.002-06:00

2/28/11

i would like to blog, gently, calmly, and ballsily, some of my thoughts about poetry and writing and the ritz that gets put on or doesn't get put on. i will blog these thoughts in between the blood bar gif, which doesn't work as it should, and the "dude you're a nut job" emo kid below. i will also do this while watching the nuggets/hawks game, which is about to start on altitude tv.

first off, poetry is not important. i know this sounds like a dumb thing for a guy who goes to school for poetry and who has a book of poetry published by a small press to say. what i mean is that poetry is no more important than a glass of water or a leftover chicken nugget. it is the chicken nugget and the idea of the chicken nugget. i want to find out the potential of the chicken nugget, how the chicken nugget can be used to save humanity.

i don't have a fever. i am sitting in a room. that is entirely factual.

the factuality of this event is not exciting, just like the factuality/actuality of an entire lived life is not, on its own, interesting. there has to be some sort of context, something outside of the factuality/actuality of life. is this spirituality? i don't know.

i've been trying to figure out, lately, the difference between my life and everything that is not my life. i don't know what that statement means, or whether or not it's true. after all "trying" is not something that can be proven.

kenyon martin just stole the ball and dunked it. the announcer said, "bye bye" when kenyon was on his way to the basket. the nuggets are losing 21-13.

the nuggets are still losing 21-13 because it's a commercial break. in a few minutes "the nuggets are losing 21-13" will not be true, which is why facts are not important. "justin bieber is a boy." well, maybe tomorrow he will get a sex change or maybe even a sex erasure. there is something more in the world than the facts that we all possess and project with our actions and words.

now the score is 21-15.

i find facts to be a means of dulling experience and truth in the real sense, that is reality that is constantly changing. for example. "i have a book of poetry published and have another on the way sometime soon." this is a fact. it doesn't make me happy or sad. likewise, "i did not get a teaching position at my school." this is another fact that does not affect my emotions. emotions don't seem to belong to reality the way that many people believe they do, at least in my experience, which may or may not be real, which may or may not be comparable to the experience of others. it is something.

i find poetry to be a way to create an emotional experience for myself. the act of writing can produce a catharsis or some similar experience that makes me feel like a human being or at least something different from my day to day experience as a human being. unfortunately, this experience does not last long. the poem remains an artifact of this emotion. sometimes the poem is able to recreate the emotion in me, and maybe in others, though the experience in others is probably very different from the experience that i have with the poem.

experience changes.

i haven't read very many poems lately that made me feel emotion the way that i'd like to. emotion, for me, has come easier from movies and music, mostly movies. some poets that have created strong emotions in me include frank o'hara, frank stanford, dorothea lasky, william bronk, anne carson in nox. here is a song that evokes incredibly strong emotions in me.

these poets and this song and the movies i love are able to evoke emotion through directness and a treatment of reality as something that is far too complicated to understand, so the only way is the direct route, which is a route that is often without end.

3/21/11

this sentence is being writ like weeks after the previous sentence. the nuggets beat the hawks. i just reread my thoughts and i can see a thought process that existed on that night that is similar now but does not completely relate to my experience then. it's like watching your hair grow.

and my hair has grown, maybe not all that noticeably, but it has. it's only been a couple weeks, but my hair has grown and the weather has become increasingly more bearable.

also, i made this change to my body while trying to see how far i could move my body from one point of physical contact with the earth to another point of physical contact with the earth.

if i write a poem right now it will probably not seem like a poem for a very long time to me. i think the desire to create an emotional experience alongside the creation of the poem seems like it comes from the awareness that language is unemotional without the context. i don't often understand my own relation to the poem, how my own life and my experience living it gives the poem context or vice versa. it's like there's a gap between language and reality (what i call my experience of life) and the emotion arises from finding myself hovering between the two. at times language seems like another form of living. it becomes a dream. inside the dream i am able to relinquish control of my feelings. inside the dream i can love at an unstoppable capacity or seek ultimate destruction.

is it possible that language destroys its own power once the word is assigned meaning. can the musical properties of language ever overcome this? can images overcome this.

film will always be a more powerful artform than poetry.

i have no desire to live exclusively inside my own reality. i have infinite realities. i want to use poetry to try and touch upon these realities, at least a few them.

"i" is a way of leaving the body. fuck the body. i was a ballerina and i jumped over the entire audience.

i have to wonder if the sound of language (or of the voice) will ever be able to completely create the images to correspond with the sounds. probably not. film will always be a more powerful artform than poetry. i cannot think of a more complete, communal experience than that which is (or must be) involved in the making of a movie. it is experience. it is a document of reality that does not include all reality or exclude that which is not reality. a poem on the page or on the screen is simply a shadow made by the hands as the hands move to create an impression of reality. a poem can never and should never be real.

when i watch a movie i can't help but think, "this actor has a life outside of this film," and i love that, for me, both lives are just as true.

now it's evening and i'm about to watch the nuggets/raptors game. i thought about liveblogging the game but that seems like a gimmick because this blog post is not about basketball.

3/28/11

it's been a month since i started this blog post. i don't think i have any true beliefs about poetry at the moment except that the only thing to believe in regards to poetry is that i should write it.

the other night i had a dream where i was playing basketball against a team of pastors and when i violently rejected one of the minister's shots i turned to him and yelled, "I AM THE FUCKING DEVIL," which is the most power i've felt in a long time.

today i received a prayer rug in the mail. it came from these people.

here i am holding the prayer rug with my hair that continues to grow.

it also came with a large image of the crucified christ. next to christ it says, "God Is Watching OUR VERY THOUGHTS. You are holding awesome power in your hand with this sealed prophetic word, which is part of this letter to you that you just read. Be sure to mail your prayer requests to the Church."

i didn't read the letter that they sent me because it had too many bolded words, annoyingly inconsistent capitalization, and a lot of red underlining. it made my eyes burn a little. and like saul turning into paul i felt slightly different. i felt the deep, misguided concern of the world. i felt awesome.

but i don't see change in the world, just the gelatin-like quiver that is human beings trying to make sense of it all without seeming stupid.

the prayer rug, made of paper, came with a sase for me to include a prayer for another person. i'm supposed to send the prayer rug back so they can send it the prayer's recipient. i don't think i'm going to do that. prayers don't belong on paper, if they belong. a prayer is as useful as a poem.

you: a motivational/self-help poem

2011-03-25T01:53:00.003-06:00

you are walking down the middle of a street.

you encounter a speed bump.

you say,

"i'm not slowing down."

cover letter

2011-03-24T17:11:00.000-06:00

baby i heard u wuz lookin for love
baby let me give it to you
i want you to be my bride baby
just get in my car baby and ride
sweet thang don't nobody need to know what we did last night
it's between you and me sugar
now let's go to vegas and make our love official
let's make it real
as real as you and me baby
i love you
i need you
you burn my loins like a love disease
there ain't no cure for our love baby
we just need to take it to the next level
just say yes baby
don't say no
i don't know the meaning of no
yes yes yes baby like you screamed last night

poems let people

2011-03-21T17:39:00.003-06:00

i posted a poem at a new self-publishing site. it's called let people poems.

here is the poem here is a tattoo you can get if you don't have any ideas for tattoos here is how to bring the beat back

i cna't bring myself 2 blog

2011-03-19T16:08:00.000-06:00

what should i do?

i wrote a poem on twitter last night

2011-03-02T10:58:00.002-07:00

michael jordan has disease
dunk disease
my disease is the dunk disease. symptoms include insane dunks
the only cure to the dunk disease is more dunking
the dunk disease is transmitted only through dunking
don't get dunked on or you may contract dunk disease only to find yourself dunking back

i just dunked

i got the dunking disease and i am a dunking maniac
these dunks are getting a little gay

dunkaliscious

i dedicate this dunk to michael phelps and birds that tweet

this dunk is for my dad who is in jail for dunking too hard on my mom

the worst thing about dunking disease is when you dunk so hard that your hands make stigmatas
everyone at school judges you for having dunk stigmata
i feel often stigmatized after dunking hard
i will dunk no more
jk i will dunk forevermore

just invented a dunk called the butterfly dunk
only butterflies can do the butterfly dunk

jeepers i can't feel my dunks

this dunk i will use to save the lives of others

dunk dunk dunk

i dunk on the tyranny of blahbiddyblah
my dunks crush the undunkonable

i thought i burped but really i dunked
i thought i lived but really i dunked

the dunking disease has left me perfect in dunks
only in dunks can i dunk eternal dunk
puddledeedunkaroo
i love you dunk you in the dunk trunk
you
i
dunk

i love blake griffin

2011-02-21T22:51:00.003-07:00

but choir and car aside, how is this dunk

better than this dunk

or this dunks?

here is a picture i made for my desktop a while back

tile that shit

Kurt Cowbain

2011-02-20T11:59:00.003-07:00

Milk me
Milk me, my friend
Milk me
Milk me again

i m not the only one .IIIII [3x]
i m not the only one...

Hate me
Do it and do it again
Waste me
Milk me, my friend

i m not the only one.IIIII [3x]
i m not the only one...

My favorite inside source
I'll kiss your open sores
I appreciate your concern
You're gonna stink and burn

Milk me
Milk me, my friend
Milk me
Milk me, again

i m not the only one ?, IIIII [3x]
i m not the only one..

Milk me! (Milk me!)[8x]
Milk me!

essay on pilgrimages

2011-01-27T15:36:00.004-07:00

If I went on a pilgrimage it would be to an Arby's in Longmont, CO. I would go through the drive-thru and order everything on the menu in every possible size and with every different possible sauce and topping combination. I would sit in my car by the drive-thru window and eat until all the food is gone. While eating I would think about my life and all my great achievements and then I would pat myself on the back, much in the way that a mother pats a baby's back in order to force the baby to burp. I suspect that the burp would be powerful enough to kill me and everyone around me so before doing so I would make sure to say my last words, which would be something like "just kidding," because those would be awesome last words. The main reason I chose Longmont is because it is near mountains and those would make the pilgrimage seem much more noble when people tell my story after I'm dead. I realized once while driving by myself for approximately twenty hours that mountains aren't that big a deal. Basically, the appreciation of anything is based on arbitrary factors. For example, mountains are just big rock triangles. Nobody would say that a giant burlap triangle is something beautiful to behold and want to climb it. Why? Oh, I don't know, because mountains are natural? Who cares? You don't see people trying to climb babies and babies are natural too. If I were a mountain I would be a self-loathing mountain. I'd be like, "Fuck this. Stop climbing on me, people. Can't you see that you're not goats?" If I were a mountain I would spend all my energy trying to become a volcano so I could go wild on some mugs. I'd laugh at the screams. Then I would have this thought like, "what am I doing with my life?" And then I'd feel resigned to the fact that I'm a volcano and that volcanoes can't move, that my whole life would be played out as a volcano. I would do the volcano equivalent of closing my eyes and praying. I would pray for a beer.

rajon seinfeld

2011-01-22T09:21:00.003-07:00

in case you weren't able to make it to last nights release party for paperbag #2, here is my reading.

paperbag 2 reading every day is my birthday from Daniel Bailey on Vimeo.

nfl logos

2011-01-21T15:52:00.002-07:00

last night, my friend adam and i figured out what nfl team has the coolest logo. we used pictures on a glass that i own as models.

the top two teams that got cut off are the bears and the packers.

raiders win.

2011-01-21T14:58:00.002-07:00

poems: dude, you're not even taking this seriously anymore.
me: bitch, shut the fuck up before i delete you.

this friday, nyc

2011-01-18T10:46:00.003-07:00

there is a reading for the new issue of paperbag this friday. i will be reading via video. you should attend and watch me read on a screen because nyc is too far away for me to attend. here are the details.

Time
Friday, January 21 · 7:00pm - 8:30pm

Location
Petes Candy Store
709 Lorimer Street
Brooklyn, NY

With performances by:

Bianca Stone
Gordon Massman
Jen Hyde
Ben Pease
Matvei Yankelevich
Jozeph Herceg
Tamiko Beyer
Michael Hilsman
Daniel Bailey

Special gift for early birds!

-----

i think the special gift will actually be a worm. grooooooooossssssss.

awp 2011

2011-01-14T13:16:00.003-07:00

now that i've finally bought my plane tickets to awp i guess it's time to let people know about a couple readings.

first, on thursday, there's this one:

then on saturday, there's this one:

Time
Saturday, February 5 · 7:00pm - 9:00pm
Location The Black Squirrel (www.blacksquirreldc.com)
2427 18th Street NW
Washington, DC

SATURDAY SATURDAY SATURDAY!
JOIN US FOR A BONE-CRUSHING EVENING OF LITERARY MAYHEM!

Featuring:

AGNES FOX PRESS

MAGIC HELICOPTER PRESS

PARTHENON WEST REVIEW

SINK REVIEW

SMALL DESK PRESS

Readers include:

Lizzy Acker
Dan Bailey
Jason Bredle
Matthew Cooperman
Phil Cordelli
Russell Dillon
Jen Gann
Matt Hart
Matt Henriksen
Jeremy Hoevenaar
Hailey Higdon
Aby Kaupang
Amy McDaniel
Christie Ann Reynolds
Matt L. Rohrer
Chad Sweeney
Sarah Fran Wisby
Angela Veronica Wong
+ more to come!

------

i don't know yet if i'll go to the actual conference. probably not since i don't want to spend a lot of money on books, and, quite frankly, the panels aren't worth it. but i'll be around doing whatever throughout the day and i'll be hitting some readings and probably that htmlgiant, etc. literature party on friday.

2011-01-11T17:07:00.001-07:00

2011-01-11T15:25:00.000-07:00

2011-01-10T16:01:00.000-07:00

new drunk sonnet video

2011-01-07T09:09:00.004-07:00

zachary whalen recorded a video of himself reading DRUNK SONNET 22 while drunk. he also read the note that i wrote him at the beginning of the book.

DRUNK SONNET 22 from Zachary Whalen on Vimeo.

booyah to zachary and his drunk-getting.

it has been added to the drunk sonnet video archive.

paper bag

2011-01-04T11:07:00.001-07:00

i have writings in the new issue of paper bag. here is the new issue.

top 10 movies i've watched in the last year

2011-01-04T10:41:00.012-07:00

Werckmeister Harmonies (Bela Tarr, 2000)

Tropical Malady (Apichatpong Weerasethakul, 2004)

Paris, Texas (Wim Wenders, 1984)

A Woman Under the Influence (John Cassavetes, 1974)

Dancer in the Dark (Lars von Trier, 2000)

Waltz with Bashir (Ari Folman, 2008)

Read My Lips (Jacques Audiard, 2001)

The Day I Became a Woman (Marzieh Meshkini, 2000)

Trash Humpers (Harmony Korine, 2009)

The Five Obstructions (Lars von Trier, 2003)

stella anthony e-love spam weather report

2010-12-30T09:47:00.000-07:00

Hello my dear,
Hope the sun rise gets you well and you are enjoying the weather, mine
weather is cold and cloudy today, it was very great when i get your profile
at this lovely site and i felt a great spark in my heart despite that i have
not seen you in person but your profile really gave me a nice pleasure to
communicate with you and see how the sun will shines like. you can reach
me through for easiest communication and i will send my picture to you as soon as i hear from you through email;
Yours Stella with love & hugs.

2010-12-28T00:03:00.000-07:00

2010-12-27T23:34:00.000-07:00

2010-12-27T22:51:00.000-07:00

2010-12-27T20:51:00.000-07:00

2010-12-27T20:25:00.003-07:00

top 10 of 2010

2010-12-27T19:03:00.001-07:00

1. N
2. O
3. T
4. H
5. I
6. N
7. G
8. G
9. G
10. G

2010-12-18T17:42:00.004-07:00

thanks to adam moorad for recommending the drunk sonnets on metazen's last minute christmas shopping guide.

unfortunately, the book is sold out over at the magic helicopter site.
fortunately, i have three copies left.
unfortunately, i will not be able to mail any of these copies, if ordered, before the new year.
fortunately, there will probably be a second print run soon.

update

#word aapp

POEM MADE FROM THE FIRST LINE OF EVERY POEM IN THE DRUNK SONNETS

2010-12-15T01:12:00.002-07:00

I'M A LITTLE HUNGRY BUT DRUNK

BODIES FLOAT WITHOUT BALLAST

PRACTICALLY, I AM MAKING IT THROUGH LIFE

COME ON, YOU PEOPLE, EVERYTHING IS OK
WHERE IS MY LIFE, I THINK A DONE THING
MY BODY WANTS SOMETHING MORE THAN IT GETS

EVERYTHING AROUND ME IS SHAKING A LITTLE

I WANT TO LOVE BUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW
I'M GLAD THAT YOU'RE SILL ALIVE AND DOING WELL

THE AIRPORT IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST

MY DRUNK IS GOING AWAY AND IT'S A LITTLE HOT

WE ARE A GARBAGE BAG STUFFED WITH BOTTLES AND NO
THE ONLY THING THAT COULD MAYBE SAVE US NOW

IF ANYONE KNOWS WHAT IS GOING ON EVER THEN HEY
NO ONE CAN BE COMPLETE WITHOUT THAT THING

TOMORROW I COULD BE A PLANT

I AM STILL NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU, NO

I AM GOING TO DRINK ALL THE BEER

I WANT TO BE A DICK TO SOMEONE SOMETIME
TONIGHT FEELS EXTREME LIKE HATE CRIMES

THIS BEER IS GOOD
I HAVE SO MUCH BEER TO DRINK TONIGHT

I AM PROBABLY GOING TO MASTURBATE TONIGHT

IF I AM NOT A HEART ATTACK

I WANT TO BE POOR FOREVER

I HAVE NOTHING REALLY INSIDE ME TO GIVE

IN THE FUTURE I DIED AND IT WAS FUN

LET'S HAVE A BABY PLEASE

ONE WAY TO THINK ABOUT DYING IS LIKE A HUG

I WISH I HAD A LOVE POEM TO WRITE

LISTENING TO LUKE HENLEY

I HATE THAT I NEED DEPRESSION TO FEEL LIKE MYSELF
I DON'T KNOW MANY PEOPLE WHO HAVE DIED

MY FAVORITE BIBLE VERSE GOES LIKE THIS:

IF WE WERE BOTH LITTLE PIECES OF SHIT

TRYING TO HELP ANYONE WITH ANYTHING IS TIRING

IF I THINK, OH! GOOD IDEA!

I'M SURE ALL THE HOSPITALS HAVE OPEN BEDS TONIGHT

I HAVE FOUR CLOSETS NOW

I JUST FARTED AND IT SMELLED LIKED DUST

THIS IS MY LAST BEER OF THE NIGHT

IF I LOVE ANYONE NOW IT'S --- I DON'T KNOW

IN SOME WAYS I KNOW
THE MOON IS LIKE A BAYONET IN THE CHEST SOMETIMES

I'D LOVE TO PUNCH THROUGH YOUR HEART LIKE DRYWALL

GOD WHAT IS IT THAT DRAWS ME
I AM NOT HOPEFUL OF ANYTHING ANYMORE
YOU ALWAYS ASKED IF MY POEMS WERE ABOUT YOU

I WANT TO PUT MY FIST INSIDE YOUR CHEST

THIS ONE IS NOT ABOUT YOU

LET'S PLANT BUSHES IN OUR CHESTS

I HOPE ALL THE LOVE I'VE EVER FELT GETS RUPTURED

dean young's heart

2010-12-09T00:06:00.003-07:00

dean young needs a new heart, which you can help with. find info here.

i saw dean young walking around awp last year. he was by himself, and he was just walking around smiling. i wanted to say hello, but was too starstruck. seemed like a nice guy.

read sweetass dean young poems here.

this is not the dean young but a different dean young.

here is the dean young of who needs a new heart.

here are some things i wrote on my old blog a few years ago about dean young's first book DESIGN WITH X.

from october 7, 2008

i started reading DESIGN WITH X in my car while i waited for the interview yesterday and while i was drunk last night. it's good. it's all about the body and death and all these impossible things like how spiders can die so easy but humans are always trying to bring each other back to life. stuff like that.

sad death shit.

from october 10, 2008

i read the rest of dean young's DESIGN WITH X at the laundromat today. a lot in that book settled really well with me and i felt less alone. it seems like maybe dean young was going through similar things when he wrote it. i could be wrong.

i think dean young wrote similar things to what i have been writing in poems lately.

Now i love living by the sea,
how it takes part in its own obscurity,
how in its depths anything is possible
and the rot of anything, the debris.
How have I gotten here?
How can I go on or back or stay?

i think i may have ripped off that ending in august, before i had even read this book, except different parts of that are scattered over different poems.

there are better parts, i just opened to that page just now.

i plan on reading more dean young so i can see what else i may have ripped off.

DESIGN WITH X is less bizarre than later poems i've read by young. that's not a bad thing.

so there's that. design with x meant a lot to me at that point.

i think it's good to keep people alive.

∞ as uttered by russell jones

2010-11-30T16:57:00.003-07:00

why is ∞ the infinity symbol? shouldn't it just be a 0 or o. does it need the extra loop to comment on how complicated existence is or something stupid like that? to equate infinity with nothing seems more relevant. or to equate infinity with "o," an utterance of wonder or awe makes more sense.

this what i mean:

holiday light show

2010-11-22T13:38:00.002-07:00

Energie! in HD from Thorsten Fleisch on Vimeo.

make it full screen.

a poem for whenever

2010-11-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

somewhere someone is listening to music
somewhere someone is reading a book

i like to eat pizzas, bagels, sandwiches
and other european-influenced foods
as well as foods from other parts of the world

and a fire is to now as a spark is to always

i get real happy and break my hands
i get real happy and break my feet
i get real happy and crawl and break my knees

the happiest i have ever been
the happiest you have ever been
and where we are whenever
and who we are whenever

please play this exact video at my funeral

2010-11-18T00:04:00.001-07:00

permanent vacation, jim jarmusch, 1980

2010-11-15T01:59:00.002-07:00

one of the more perfect uses of music i've seen in a film.

awesome email i received this morning

2010-11-14T23:12:00.002-07:00

eccolinguistics

2010-11-13T16:13:00.002-07:00

jared schickling, awesome dude and former poet in csu's mfa program, just made a call for submissions to a future project that seems both baffling and awesome. it's called eccolinguistics. send him some words, etc., or sign up to receive it.